We can’t change the past.
Matthew Potts’ book Forgiveness: An Alternative Account holds this thought up to the light so the rays shine through in a multiple different ways, but the premise is always the same: “Even if we could completely undo the effect of what has been done, we cannot make it so that “the thing that was done never happened” (Jankélévitch, quoted in Potts, 77). That fact of the deed, and the impact of that fact if not of its effects, shall remain absolute and eternal.”
We can waste years of our lives angry at others out for all the wrong they have shown us. We can castigate ourselves for our personal failings (we all have our own list of them), vowing never to repeat them. We often struggle.
Potts’ answer? Bring in the principle of forgiveness: “Forgiveness seeks to live in the wake of loss. It accepts that what has been lost cannot be restored, and then it aims to live in and with the irrevocability of wrong” (23). He goes on to say that: “forgiveness also accepts that past as unalterable and so imagines what possibilities for the future its battered history might bear” (24). In other words, forgiveness is future-facing. “Whatever the past has been or the future may bring, we can begin, and begin again” (94).
I cannot quote enough of his book here to show you his extensive thinking around this idea. But I sometimes wonder — if we can not turn back time — why do we all turn our head to look behind us? Like how I started this post? These three quotes address this:
“As soon as you have a language that has a past tense and a future tense you’re going to say, ‘Where did we come from, what happens next?’ The ability to remember the past helps us plan the future” (Margaret Atwood).
“One faces the future with one’s past” (Pearl S. Buck).
And finally, to bring it full circle: “Nothing we can do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future” (Ashleigh Brilliant). I liked Buck’s idea, that the lenses with which we view the future are colored by our past. Atwood is more tactical, encouraging to use what we’ve learned to plan our future. Brilliant, whose cartoon is above, cautions us not to waste our energy dwelling on mistakes.
I hope that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t tackle some of our UFOs, as I noticed that most of the quilt finishes (above) were pulled from my stack of UFOs. However, to think kindly about them, it’s like my past self left them for my current self to finish up (thank you, Pearl Buck). So, instead of rueing that new ideas in 2023 were sparse, I’m grateful that I had something to turn to to keep myself busy. I’m also trying to apply the ideas in Mr. Potts’ book to keep myself forward-facing. I’ve written up list of quilts I want to make in 2024, and I have already started on the first, sewing my way into this new year.
While I have a whole new year coming up in which to finish Potts’ book (and make quilts), what I’ve learned so far is this:
Evaluate where you are. Move on from failures.
Forgive, and then forgive some more.
Happy Old Year Ending–
Eclipse • Quilt #285 • my final finish in 2023
P.S.In a combination of satisfying, yet somewhat unhappy goodbye to 2023, our local quilt shop (Bluebird Quilts) decided to close, and I picked up several lengths of fabric for backings for these planned 2024 quilts. It was sad to say good-bye to the place where I started teaching; her reasons for closing are varied, and I wish her well.
P.P.S. If you are new here, you can always revisit some of my Happy Old Year Ending posts, where I re-introduce myself to my readers. And maybe give an observation or two. The one from 2019 is a classic.
OccasionalPiece--Quilt! 
Loved your 2019 post from the Other Times! Baby Elizabeth! Matching Barb! Little did we know what 2020 would bring! Some beautiful finishes for you this year. Always appreciate your advice and treasure your friendship. All the best wishes to you and Dave for a happy, healthy new year!!
Lovely final quilt for 2023! And I love the idea that “everything we do changes the future”. Thanks, and best wishes for 2024!
You write such original and thoughtful posts. Thank you!
Your comment on UFOs led me on a tangent. A couple weeks ago, on a quilt retreat, I met a woman who has the opposite challenge that most sewists have: She has a hard time starting quilts, but loves the middle and end of the process. Anyway, long story short, one of my favorite UFOs has a new home. And both of us left relieved and happy!
Wishing you and yours a peaceful 2024!
Thanks for the perspective on new beginnings. And thanks for being that constant quilty friend who always inspires me. I tend to leave the past in the past and thus there are several quilt starts in distant past that will probably never be competed. I’m ok with that. I am hoping to start the new year by finishing those that have been started more recently even though I am full of new ideas and ready for new starts. Wishing you a Happy Old Year Ending on this least day of 2023. May 2024 be full of all things beautiful and fulfilling for you.
I can identify with what you said, there is so much to forgive, hurt we received and hurt we handed out. That is what the gospel is about, forgiveness. We can forgive because Jesus forgave us first. He not only forgives all our wrongs, but even helps us forgive ourselves as well as others. The verse that I cling to is Romans 8:28 NIV “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
In the midst of it all, I have seen God work so much of it for good. And what I haven’t seen yet, I trust God to work for good. It’s a daily call, trusting God.
I deeply appreciate the thoughtfulness you share with us here. I find that forgiveness often requires an interest in the past; a delving into the history that is a broader inquiry. I am grateful for each new day and the opportunities it provides me to continue on this journey. One mistake (with sides of ample forgiveness) at a time! I am glad that you had craft to turn to as a balm this year and look forward to seeing what you are stitching and making next.
I take comfort from Pearl’s words also. It gives me direction in continuing with my UFOs. Your last quilt of 2023 is so striking. I love the color combination. And Sharon’s quilt is amazing! Happy Old Year. Happy New Year!
As always, an interesting read Elizabeth! Our past, our memories, our forgiveness all shape us. I am happy to hear you have plans for more quilts. Your catalog for this year was most impressive. I’m not sure why you didn’t post that collage to Instagram? I am bereft of ideas, although I have a lovely stack of solids waiting for inspiration….
I’m sorry if this is a repeat of something I just said: I’m always inspired by your words and have been thinking a lot about forgiveness. I look forward to seeing what inspires you and the things you create in 2024. Happy New Year!
Words of wisdom! Wouldn’t it be lovely if our failures could all be completely erased, as though it never happened and there was no need for forgiveness? It seems to be a common conversation lately. I wonder if it because of the closing of the year as we all reflect on the past.
I look forward to see your projects of 2024. You did a wonderful job in 2023. Happy New Year.
A New Year is like a New Day,
One step at a time, enjoying the best and doing my best to work through the difficult.
Wishing you and Dave a Happy, Healthy, New Year!
What a wonderful post to lead us into the new year! “Forgiveness” has been much on my mind recently for personal reasons and because of the conflicts around the world. Too bad human nature is so flawed, but there’s so much to love in life despite that! Your quilts are lovely and I look forward to seeing what you make in 2024. Thank you for inspiring us and continuing to share your journey!